By Rebecca Köhnke
When you find out that you’re expecting, you have a gazillion things on
your mind.
It’s important to consider the family dog in this situation, too. A lot of things are going to change. If you use the pregnancy to prepare him for what’s coming, then life will be a lot easier when things get real. This is particularly relevant for parents expecting their first baby, or their first baby with a new dog. (Apologies, gents, for talking to the ladies a lot in some passages. Don’t feel left out. It’s just difficult to keep this gender neutral. Our example dog will be a boy though!)
So, sit down for a few minutes and think about the following issues:
- What sort of dog do you have?
- Is he pretty unflappable or easily stressed?
- Does he like children or is he rather worried by them?
- Has he met babies at all?
- How does he deal with change?
- Does he need a fixed routine? Or does he not mind if the days are all a bit here, there, and everywhere?
- Is he young and energetic? Or maybe old and sore?
- How attached is he to the adults in the family?
- How much attention does he need?
- What cues does he know? Does he know them reliably?
- What sort of things worry you when you think about your dog living together with a baby?
Each family is different, and so is every dog. Be honest, and possibly a bit over-critical, rather than blasé about these questions. The answers will help you determine how you should be preparing.
Now, seeing as I’ve just recently been through this myself with two very different dogs and two very different babies, let me give you a bit of an idea of what is likely to change.
Let’s start in pregnancy. You’ll become, well, round. Walrus-shaped, it’ll feel like. You won’t be able to cuddle your dogs as comfortably. You might feel hot all the time and not enjoy a canine radiator right close to you. Sooner or later, you will become short of breath, and most likely tired, too. So, walks will become slower, shorter, and flatter.
You might be incapacitated for a period of your pregnancy. You might even have to stay in hospital for a while.
In most cases, you will have to go to hospital in the end, most probably rather spontaneously, and you may have to stay for a bit.
While you are preparing for the baby, you will quite likely undertake some renovating or redecorating. You might even move house. New furniture will appear and/or need to be built, possibly using power tools. Equipment such as a pram, nappy bin, or a car seat will arrive. Some of these car seats double as a rocker. My dog found tapping it with their nose or paw to make it move hilarious! You might have the midwife come round and possibly examine you at home. You’ll go on parental leave, be home a lot, go to the doctor’s a lot, then suddenly disappear, possibly at an ungodly hour, and your dog may be left home alone.
So, now you’re new parents, and about to bring home your little bundle. You’ll carry them in your arms or bring them in in the car seat.
They will sometimes be asleep and sometimes awake. They’ll eventually burst into song. They might do that a lot, even. They will trap you under them when they’ve fallen asleep, and you won’t really want to move; if you’re lucky, you’ll be able to stay put for a few hours. And chances are, at least for the first few weeks, you’ll have no idea when those naps are going to happen. If you’re really lucky, you can at some point actually put the baby down for a nap. So, you’ll put up a baby monitor. Which, at some point, will start blaring this really weird sounding cry.
The baby will sigh, squeak, whine, mumble, and even breathe. One of my dogs had a meltdown after my first baby arrived because the travel cot suddenly made breathing sounds.
You’ll be spending weeks to months, depending on the character of your baby, trying to find your feet. You’ll be doing everything the way that the baby needs it, when the baby needs it done; you’ll be accommodating every need your baby has, which will change every couple of weeks. It’s basically a game of ever-changing goal posts.
You might have someone home with you for a while. You might be fit and healthy in no time, or you might be unwell, injured or need to rest.
Your health visitor will stop by a lot.
Other people may want to stop by a lot.
At some point, you’ll fall back into some sort of normality. You’ll be used to doing everything with one hand and always keeping Baby close. You’ll be taking them to the bathroom with you and sitting on the floor with them for playtime. You’ll start to venture out, even with the dogs. You might want to take them all in the car, or you might want to push Baby in the pram. You might have stairs to negotiate or muddy paws to clean before letting your dog in the house.
Sooner than you think, your baby will be interactive and even mobile. They’ll scream, shout, squeal, hiccup, flail their arms and legs, and throw things. Then they will start to roll; some only roll over, others roll right across the room. Your baby is now mobile and will make its own way along the floor. It’ll investigate everything; sleeping dogs, empty or occupied dog beds, water and food bowls (!!!), toys of any variety. You name it. You’ll need to pre-empt and prevent, of course, because they’ll definitely try if they get the chance.
Then not long after, they’ll start pulling themselves up. On you, on the table, on whatever they can find. Again, this includes dogs in any and all positions and situations. No, Baby shouldn’t be allowed that – but they sure will try!
The next step after that, of course, is moving on two legs. Unsteadily at first, unpredictably, and unable to be careful. Also, somewhat vulnerable to falling if knocked by more than a feather.
And that’s just the first year. Chances are, at some point, Mum will be going back to work and not be home as much anymore. A childminder or relative might even be in the house instead.
Now, I’ve told you all this, and I’ve not even mentioned what to do with your dog.
True.
Because to a degree, it’ll be different for every family. Look at that text again. Think about how your dog would handle each of these developments; what he might do and how he might react.
That will give you a good idea of what you need to consider when preparing your dog for the new arrival.
A few general things will need to be considered in nearly all cases:
- Look at your dog’s exercise needs. How will you be able to meet them? Are you over-fulfilling them so far? Frequently doing activities, going on strenuous hikes? It might be a good idea to gradually reduce them, as you may well not be able to keep them up for a while
- Think about your routine. This will basically go out the window for a while as far as the dogs are concerned. If they have a set schedule, now is the time to start slowly and gradually varying it by ten, fifteen, twenty minutes back and forth, building up until the schedule is gone
- How about beds and sleeping arrangements? Where do the dogs sleep now? Will this stay the same after Baby is born? Will their beds be in a convenient space, so you don’t trip over them at night when getting up? Will they have a safe space that Baby can’t get to, even once they are mobile? How can you ensure this as the baby develops?
- Now consider your rooms and access to those spaces. Which rooms are they allowed in now? Which ones do you want them in later? Which ones will be off limits? Start teaching that now. Not only is it much easier for all of you, but it’ll also prevent him forming negative associations with the baby
- Food and water bowls are favourite crawler targets. Find an inaccessible space! This is important! A dog should not have to worry about a child interfering with their food and drink. It is, of course, particularly important if your dog has a history of guarding food or water
- Put some thought into child and dog safety. How does your dog feel about a baby close by? Direct contact should be avoided. But can he cope with Baby in the same room? Will they leave if they have had enough? Can he have toys without the baby getting them? Where can the baby hang out with toys without the dogs interfering? Sometimes, you will need both of your hands; how will you then keep both Baby and your dog safe and happy, and avoid risking any incidents or accidents? Stairgates, playpens, and crates can all be useful here
- You will also need to consider traffic safety. Has your dog ever seen a pram? Can he walk beside one? Can you negotiate curbs, corners, and stairs in this setup? Can you get the baby and dogs in and out of the car safely?
- Where do you want your dog to be and what do you want your dog to be able to do? As mentioned above, think about where their beds should be, reinforce them strongly for using as their safe spots. Make these a preferred place now. Rooms that are off limits rooms can be gated off or you put a mat just outside them and teach a default down on that, although this is a lot less reliable. Do you need to practise a cue to direct your dog on and off furniture? Do you need to refresh recall, loose lead walking, or polite behaviour in doorways? Do this now!
In addition to these general areas, there will be specific issues that each individual dog may struggle with.
Does your dog do well with change? If not, consider spreading out the decorating and furniture building to give him time to adjust. Plan to finish early enough to allow him time to get comfortable with the full setup, including the pram, car seat and other seemingly superficial changes. Also, if you’ll be using baby toiletries, consider using them on yourself for a few weeks before the baby arrives, so the dog can get used to the smell and associate it with you.
Is your dog not good with strangers or guests? Think about how to manage this; practise him being put away in a safe room with a nice chew, or practise polite greetings.
Is your dog noise sensitive? Play some baby sounds from YouTube while doing nice things. Start at a very low volume and gradually work your way up.
Not sure how your dog will react if you’re holding something in your arms? Get yourself a baby doll and try. If it can cry, that will help you gauge how they would react to strange and sudden noises from your arms, too. Practise when you are standing up and also sitting down. It won’t be the perfect double for your baby, but it’ll give you an idea of whether you need to work on this. Plus, it’ll demonstrate to you how life will be with only one free hand. It’s quite an eye opener.
Baby wearing can be a great, practical solution to many everyday issues while keeping Baby safe, comfortable, and out of trouble. You can rent or borrow a carrier, wrap, or sling and use your doll to make your dog familiar with long bits of fabric dangling or being tied, rings clattering or buckles clicking. This is also a chance to get him used to you moving slightly awkwardly for short periods of time. The bonus is that you’ll already be familiar with your chosen carrier when Baby gets involved!
You will need to make arrangements in case you will be away from home for the birth or unable to walk the dog during or after pregnancy. Who will take care of your dog? Who will come into the house and pick him up or let him out if you need to leave quickly? Who will take him for walks? Introduce these people now and make sure that your dog will be okay with them.
If your dog is overly attached to one of you, it might be a good idea to start introducing a visual unavailability cue. See: Hatting for help with this.
By now, you’ll have realised that there will be different areas of work for each family. The following tips might also help you:
- A Pet Remedy or Adaptil diffuser plugged in a few weeks ahead may make it easier for some dogs
- Avoid the dreaded visitor rush for everyone’s sake
- Ask friends and family for help with the dog if the dog is comfortable with that
- Make yourself dog-savvy! Learn as much as possible about their body language! This will help you loads in assessing situations as they arise!
- Make sure the dog still gets individual attention
- Don’t only give attention when Baby is asleep, as the dog may quickly learn ‘Baby awake means no time for me’, which may not be a good thing
- Bring a piece of Baby’s clothing back from the hospital before Baby arrives home, but don’t worry about introducing the dog and Baby formally; he knows the baby is there!
